Chasing after Carmela while calling out her name, Jane is thankful she’s in shape but hoping she can stop running before her lungs demand she stop. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have brought Carmela to that meeting, that wasn’t cool. I don’t even need to be at that meeting. She’s right; they don’t know me. She’s the one that’s been there for me and our family. That was real dumb on my part.
Letting down the driver side window Carmela asks, “Exactly why are you running Jane? I’m not gonna leave without you, I just had to get outta there.” Scrambling to get to the passenger side, Jane gets in and embraces Carmela.
“Of course I can forgive my lovely. I’m just relieved you realize that group is not for you. We’ve been through too much of people trying to tell us how we need to live and who we need to be; to chill with a group of people that think like that is not us.”
“I know, I know; it’s just that …” Jane trails off not finishing her thought before reaching to wipe her eyes.
“No need to cry babe, we’re gonna be just fine. Nobody’s perfect and I’m not sure I would want to be with such a person anyway,” Carmela chides in while massaging her back, hoping to abbreviate any negative feelings.
Grinning and clearing any residual tears, Jane teases, “Don’t touch me like that less you trying to make something happen.”
“Well I guess I better keep going then.”
“Please do,” Jane insists then slides her skirt up making it clear Carmela can extend her massage to between her thighs. Reclining the seat she affirms, “I love you.”
Leaning over, Carmela surveys Jane’s chocolate curves and partakes of her lips. Kissing soft and slow savoring the moment, she says, “I love you too. Let’s go home baby.”
“Okay … let’s.”
*******
“It’s nice to finally get together. You are definitely one busy lady Ms. Kennedy,” Sophia announces sounding relieved.
“Yes mam it’s good to have a chance to meet up. I wish I hadn’t had to reschedule before; and thankfully, you’ve been so accommodating given the lateness of the hour,” Kennedy graciously replies.
“Do you believe in God?” Sophia interrogates with earnest.
“Absolutely, why do you ask?”
“Do you know that He loves you?”
“Thankfully I do, I’m curious as to what’s prompting your questions.”
“But Kennedy, do you really know? So many people say they believe in God and that they’re aware of his love but may not truly know his grace and mercy.”
“I guess I should count myself lucky then. I’m fully aware of the vastness of the Universe and am thankful for the love bestowed upon us,” Kennedy declares.
“I noticed you said The Universe and not God. Why is that?”
“I find them to be synonymous don’t you? I believe many names are used to refer to God. Some say The Universe, others say Higher Power; Jehovah and Yahweh are also names used. I can’t help but to notice that you haven’t answered my questions. Is this the reason you wanted to meet; to have a religious discussion?
“Not at all; I apologize, I didn’t mean to not answer your questions,” Sophia gently retorts.
“So what brings you to me Sophia? I’m glad you’ve set aside some of your time just for me and I for you. As you know, I don’t have to be at work until early afternoon so we have all night to discuss the items you feel are pertinent. Perhaps I’m mistaken but it seems that part of the reason you wanted to meet is spiritually based. Is that what this is about?”
“Yes actually it is,” Sophia admits feeling a bit extinguished yet intrigued.
“That’s good to hear. I look forward to sharing as I’m sure we both will learn a lot from each other tonight. I’m gonna get me some water, would you like some?” Kennedy asserts.
Relieved to have a moment to recompose, Sophia is curious about Kennedy’s comfort level; why is she so happy about our meeting? This is a different. Meanwhile Kennedy gets two bottles of Fiji water and quickly texts Cyan to inform her that they will have to get together another time.
*******
“It’s people like you that give bisexuals a bad name,” Karen chastises, while trying to get ready for work.
“Don’t try and judge me, I know where you came from. Don’t try to get all high and mighty now that some fool laying pipe to you every night. I thought you were supposed to be my girl,” Andi vindicates.
“We are friends, but that’s really not the point here. You just finished telling me how you went out on a date with Shaun but that didn’t go well so she went home. After only being home a minute, you called Kennedy; your ex who you knew was gonna want some, and asked her to come over. She reschedules with you, because after all she does have a woman to which she has feelings for, so you decide to hook up with Michelle. Last I heard, from you of course, Michelle has a man with whom she lives with. Then when you could no longer get in touch with her, you called Bishop. Yea he came over and kicked it with you, but then he left shortly thereafter with what you’re calling a lame excuse. I would imagine he had to get back to his woman after a making up an excuse to get to you with your damsel in distress routine. Do you not understand the problem here? Surely you can see why you spent last night by yourself,” Karen rationalizes.
“Check you out being all self-righteous and holy,” Andi contends.
“That’s not me; which you already know Andi. C’mon girl, you know I love you and I always will, but do you hear yourself? Do you really? I don’t know what happened with you and Shaun at dinner; but instead of talking it out with her or working it out, you ran from this person to that person and that is what people think bisexuals do. They think they’re greedy and if one isn’t available, they’ll be with the other and that’s just not how it is,” advises Karen.
“Um okay; where are you going with all of this? It doesn’t even sound like we’re talking ‘bout me. You’re going on and on about bisexuals like you’re on some crusade. I mean what’s really going on with you? This speech isn’t about me, there’s something else going on. What’s up with you Karen?”
“You’re probably right girl; I’ve only had a wink of sleep, I’m trying to get ready for work and my mind is all over the place. I’m sorry if it sounds like I was being judgmental; I’m not really focused. Can I call you a little later?” Karen requests.
“Yea girl, I need to get ready too. I’ll talk to you then,” Andi responds pressing the off button on her ear piece. Perplexed over Karen’s statements, Andi replays their conversation. Why is she acting so funny? Sometimes it’s like nobody’s there for me. I’m there for my friends but when I need them, they’re too busy. If I’d known it was gonna be all about her, I’d have called somebody else. I wonder what Shaun is doing; she hasn’t even called me since dropping me off last night. Why should I feel bad about calling someone over when she pulled off like I was nothing? Kennedy and Michelle are my friends. What’s the big deal about having them over? Karen is acting all self-righteous now that she’s finally got a man. How dare she bring up Bishop? He and I are just friends. Our having sex last night was an accident. He was just trying to be there for me and now she’s throwing it in my face. At least he tried to be there for me; unlike her. She was in Brad’s face. It’s true what they say, the only person you can trust to be there for you is you.
Apparently unaware Andi had ended their call, Karen still tries to get dressed for work. Clothes upon clothes fill the closet; seeming like Pandora’s Box; offering nothing, Karen snippily itemizes recent events after first looking at her phone and realizing she’s no longer participating in a phone conversation. Maybe I should call out today, I feel sick anyway. Sometimes the pain of not having a woman is unbearable. I thought it was supposed to be different now. I pray, I attend church and I love Brad but I still feel so unfulfilled. How selfish of me to have these urges when he has given me his heart. I wonder why he left so early this morning. Hmm, surely there’s something I can do to lessen this pain. I wanna be a good person and feel good at least most of the time. Is that so wrong?
I’m tired of the responses Sophia gives me. They make me feel so low for what I truly feel. First her group told me how unnatural same sex love is and how I need to repent. Now that I have a boyfriend, who treats me well, and I still feel uneasy whenever we connect physically, she tells me it’s because I’m fornicating. I can’t win no matter what I do. I feel bad for wanting to be with a woman. I feel even worse now that I have Brad and I can’t give myself to him without feeling anxious. What karma is this? I need to do something; this is agony. It’s got to be approaching eight, let me call the office and tell them I’m gonna work from home today. *******
Stay tuned and find out what happens next, Monday (5/10/2010)
Never at a lose for words are we darling? Ah, you sure a doll, darling...ah.
ReplyDeleteI had to come back and read this again.
Quotes for you,
ReplyDelete...Whenever someone has something discouraging to say--answer the question--"where was she when ________" and fill in the blank. This should quickly put things in perspective.
- JQ
"Some admire from a distance but, with you, there's at least one person who remains close."
- JQ